Sunday, February 27, 2011

Two Worlds Collide.

*Warning: The content below may or may not make any sense whatsoever, as it was written late at night, tired, emotional, and jumble jumble...READ AT OWN RISK :)

Goodness, God, it's been quite awhile since I've posted anything! I guess that's what happens when you decide to up and leave to New Hampshire then Boston then San Diego for two weeks! I'm in San Diego now, going to cousin Alyssa's wedding tomorrow! I'm so glad I was able to come home for her big day. Woot woot! :)

So much fun, people, family, festivities, parties, plans. . .so much for "resting." I've literally been going from one thing to the next, trying to pack it all in. It's all great, wonderful, fabulous stuff, don't get me wrong! Yet, to be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed, in a good way though. Perhaps the social overload is part of the trigger for my li'l internal fiesta that has kindled.

I've noticed this weird habit of mine. When I'm off on my own and out of my comfort zone, I feel independent, confident, trusting, and almost lacking emotion, in a weird but nice at times (most of the time) way. Yet, whenever I come home, it's like my body/soul kind of let down a bit and all these random emotions and thoughts come up....I don't know what to do with them sometimes...

It's like everything is held together nicely until I come to my "safe place" (aka home) and my body and soul sense that and loosen up a bit. Not quite sure what's going on, but I feel a lot when I come home, at random moments, set off by various triggers...Not necessarily bad or good. Actually, most of the time it's just a flood of emotion. Sometimes a few tears are needed to escape to feel a sense of relief. Other times, it's talking about it with my parents or friends. Or, as in this case, I just gotta get it out via writing.

Tonight, after an 8 hour conference, Alyssa and Jon's pre-wedding dessert, and Jessi and Josh's engagement party, I experienced a range of emotion. A mix between exhaustion, busy-ness, social overload, physical and mental fatigue, and feelings of joy and happiness for the loved ones in my life. Another element to this emotional surge was a tinge of sorrow. Not for others but rather sorrow with the realization of the two worlds I possess, the two lives I live (one in NYC and the other here in San Diego). When I'm focused on one, the other is still in motion and vice versa. I feel torn, in a way. I've taken a bite of the half ripe fruit and am now tasting the bitter sweetness of its essence (okay okay, way too poetic and nonsensical, even for me :). But, do You get what I'm trying to express??? I have the sense like I'm missing out on these important, pivotal points in my dear friends and family's lives. Or, at least not able to devote as much of myself in them as I would like and I'm admitting, finally, makes me sad at times. Feelings of bitter-sweetness for the season I'm in.

But, life is life. It is what it is. Victim or victor??? Complainer or thanker??? Choice, yes I have a choice.
While I don't always know what I'm thinking or feeling or why, one (or more :) thing(s) I have realized: I'm human. I think. I feel. And, it's good and healthy to allow myself that freedom to think and feel.

And, while I may live a "dual" life, my hope, longing, and desire is that my ENTIRE focus rest on You, Jesus, my Stability and Sustainer. You are my Balance and my Grace. You are sufficient for all my needs. I trust in You. Eyes on You, Christ Jesus. You're big enough to handle my heart that feels...

(Sigh) of relief. Burden lifted. Thank You.

Bed time :)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Sweet Dreams :D

Hi God! Whew, am I tired! Common phrase here in New York City...the city that never sleeps! It's always go go go, do do do, high energy, fast pace, what's next??? (Perfect place for a super fast walker such as myself). And, I feel as though I'm in the hub of all the chaos, Times Square, 42nd Street. Yep, crazy, I know!

So, since it's late and my body is sore from my run (okay, okay...jog/speed walk), and I'm heading out of town tomorrow (New Hampshire then Boston!), I'm going to keep this post short and sweet...

In honor of Mama, who would tuck her precious children in with a sweet little slumber saying:

(The first part was said almost in a slow whisper)
Angels come down
Sprinkle silvery saw dust
In your big beautiful brown eyes
Help you go sleeper sleeper sleeper...
(this part said fast fast faster as she would tickle us)
See you in the Morning
See you in the Evening
See you in the Summertime! Hey!

Hugs and Kisses!!!

Sweet dreams, my dear friends and family!!!

Now, Get Some Rest!!! :D

Monday, February 14, 2011

What Is Love???....Baby, Don't Hurt Me!

Happy Valentine's Day, God! I know You're advocate of love every day of the year, but nevertheless, I still thought it would be fun to find out what little kids think about L-O-V-E on this special day of February 14th :)

What kids say about love: What does love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,"
Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them."
Jenny - age 8

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore,"
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine -age 5 "Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
Bethany - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget,"
Jessica - age 8

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I Like Boys and Puppies and Kisses :)

Things I like:

~ Waking up before 8 o'clock on Sunday Mornings.
~ Spending hours creating sauces I can't even eat.
~ Reeking of raw onions and Roux and fish fumet.
~ Greasy hat hair.
~ Going to random Valentine's Day Single and Mingle Events in NYC on a Sunday night.
~ Meeting some fun(ny) characters...
~ Drinking cheap white wine on an empty Stomach.
~ Listening to socially challenged guys talk about Brazilian ex-girlfriends.
~ Dancing crazily with complete strangers.
~ Giving my number to complete strangers.
~ Having full-on conversations with a variety of strangers.
~ Skipping out on church to go to this party.
~ Eating a bean salad standing up in the Exit walkway of Whole Foods at 11 o'clock on a Sunday night.
~ Paying almost $10 for a taxi ride to go a little over 10 blocks.
~ Writing the things I love with absolutely no sarcasm involved.
~ Actually having yet another really good day in NYC...And, that's the truth!!! For realsie! :)

Honestly, despite the sarcasm, I had a great day!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Hey, I Know You!

How funny is that, God?!?! Running into my roommate, Deb, tonight in the middle of Manhattan! That just does not happen to people here. Well, I shouldn't say that, because it did happen to me! And, it's actually happened to me quite a bit since I've moved here. Yep, I have run into people I know. It's pretty fun. The other day I ran into my prayer partner, Sarah, in Chelsea Market. And, a few weeks back, I saw Megan from High School! And, I've run into people from church and the kids I babysit for and alum from Westmont.

Merely coincidence??? Or, divine appointments??? Either way, it's a wonderful reminder to pray for the person I ran into. Thank You, God! I love seeing people I know unexpectedly and also feeling like a small-town girl here in this massive, densely populated city!

Cheers! And, perhaps, just maybe, I'll run into YOU in NYC :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Mad 4 Mad & Nuts 4 Nuts

God, I don't think I've ever done as much laundry at one time as I did today!!! Literally 10 loads!!! I had to wash everything, all because one lovely little bed bug decided to show up on our wall in the apartment...

After a day of washing, drying, folding, and organizing, I was beyond thrilled to meet my dear, precious bosom friend, Madeline!!! Yep, she decided to grace me with her presence during her quick trip to Princeton Seminary. Oh, gosh, I LOVE that girl! We never fail to have a blast together :)

Ate our weight in various salsas with chips and fajitas. And, ooh, washed everything down with delicious frozen fruity margaritas :) YUM!

Although a quick visit, seeing Mad sure did make my event-filled laundry of a day! And, perhaps the highlight of our time together (because we just about died from laughter after Mad pointed it out) had to be none other than one of my famous Ali-isms:

Buying a bag of nuts from a vendor at a Nuts-4-Nuts stand, I couldn't help but comment: "Ooh, your nuts smell just beautiful, Sir!!" But, really, you shoulda smelled them! DELISH!!!


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Secret Obsession

God, You know how much I love birds. Well, I should probably say it's more of an obsession or a bird fetish rather. I don't know why, other than they're adorable, and You speak to me through them. Whether it's a tiny Black-capped Chickadee spotted in Central Park or a Mama duck followed by her ducklings in the Lagoon or cute little Sand Pipers scurrying along the sand at the beach, You use Your precious creation to remind me of your peace and faithfulness and joy and freedom. And, I just love that! Oh, and even pictures or paintings of birds are wonderful. Today, I went into my most beloved Anthropologie store and saw countless birds on a variety of their clothes and other items. I was in birdie heaven :)

Thank You, Lord, for Your creative gift of birdies and all they mean to me.

Go on, little birdie, spread your wings and fly - what you were created to do :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Play Dates!

Oh, God, how fun to be an adult and still have play dates with friends! That is exactly what I did today!

My friend, Priscilla, came over to my apartment today. It had been quite awhile since we had last seen each other. We created a random assortment of goodies for lunch. As we ate, we sat around the coffee table, candle lit, and got caught up on each other's lives. Oh, what a gift! Yet another wonderful time we had together, so joy filled. I treasure our friendship :)

And, how do you distinguish between a good, genuine friend and an acquaintance??

Mama's answer: A friend is one who you leave their presence feeling filled up :D

So, then tonight, my small group of women had a party at our leader's place. We ate dinner, fellowshipped, and were relational, like we women know how to do best :) Sometimes you just need that person to person contact rather than diving deeper into another study. Again, such a filling time for me. I left our gathering feeling rejuvenated and so grateful for the fabulous group of women You, God, have placed in my life!

Thank God for the support and camaraderie of fellow believers in the midst of a chaotic city :)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Can I Have Some Fries With That???

Doesn't that look GOOD, God??? You like beer too, right?! Of course You do! :)

To the waiter, "Hi, yes, two extra large drafts, extra cold! And, can we get some fries with that??? Thanks!"

After a day like today and with the biting cold (that froze off my ears!), a big ol' something is "needed." No, it wasn't a bad day by any means. Just an I-want-one-of-those kinda days. Or, perhaps it's that fact that I'm still jobless, or rather, don't have any income right now...or, possibly the fact that I have to move again next month (in NYC, mind you)...or, if not any of those reasons, then it has to be the fact that a bed bug was found in our apartment and now have to pack up everything and have the exterminator come in...

Honestly, I actually had a great day! Just went with the flow and rested in You! D**n (that's the beer speaking), is that the nice way to live or what?! Knowing that everything is going to turn out okay and used for good!

Thank You, God! And, thanks for the big beer! :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

And Her Name Was Egypt.

Hi God ~

After having dinner and watching "The Bachelor" at my friend Ali's apartment in lower Manhattan, I decided (or rather, my parents decided :) to hale a cab back to my place. On the quiet ride back, I shut my eyes and began debating in my head how much to tip the cab driver. Overpriced taxi rides and impersonal cab drivers tend to lead to minimal generosity in the tipping department. And, these would be my excuses tonight....

That is until, we stopped at a red light about half way into our journey, and my cab driver (a middle-aged black man with a graying beard and long dread locks) spoke up. He asked me how my day was. What?! I was taken aback. He asked so sweetly too. I told him my day went well, and then I returned the question. He told me his shift had just begun (at 10:30 at night)....And, then he told me about his precious, beautiful baby girl who awaited him back home. She's 3 and a half, turning 4 on the 26th of this month. My goodness, his voice just lit up when he was talking about his little princess who loved to do everything with him. And, her name was Egypt.

God, yes that was just one of thousands of cab drivers in the city. And, yes, I was just one of many passengers that man has shuttled around. Yet, he's not just a taxi driver. He's a husband and a father. He has three children, one of whom is still just a youngster. He's just going to work to support his family. Who knows if he knows You or not....But, you know him :) My heart goes out to him.

God, thank you for this day and for taxis. May you bless that sweet taxi driver this evening. And, bless his daughter, Egypt. Thank you for the ways You touch me (us) and the people You touch us through :D

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I Lied...

K, well remember that time when I wrote my first post and said I had NO idea why I started a blog and all that??? Yeah, that was a lie....Not sure why, but as least I'm honest, right?!

I actually DO have a reason (or multiple reasons) for starting this blog. Perhaps the procrastination in starting this thing....Ducks need to be in their perfect straight line....I like ducks :)

Curious (about my reasons)???

Fine, I'll try and keep it short and simple.

My Top Reasons For Starting This Blog:
1.) To write out my conversations with God - hence the name, "Table For Two." - Kinda like the two of us are chatting over a cup of coffee...only, I'm doing all the chatting.
2.) To share with Him my day to day adventures in the Big Apple (highs, lows, serious stuff, crazy stories, the funny moments).
3.) Creative Outlet (oh, wait...think I did mention this one in yesterday's post)
4.) Oh, it was kind of my New Year's goal for 2011.
5.) Also, occasional culinary school happenings.

There you have it! A better understanding of what to expect here on out at "Table For Two."

WARNING: because I am the author of this blog, don't be completely taken aback by my occasional randomness. Just go with it :)

Although written to God, feel free to eavesdrop ;-)

Saturday, February 5, 2011

It's About Time!

Yes, I am FINALLY, at last, actually writing something (a post, I guess) in (or on???) this bloggy thingy!!!

That's All....

Haha! Okay, okay, I'll write a little bit more, since I am on a roll now :) It's not like I just popped out of bed this morning with the grand thought, "Today I shall begin a blog." No, no, no! I wish it happened that way, well kind of, but it was not this spontaneous.

I decided last summer that I wanted to start a blog. Reason??? Haven't a clue! Cool thing to do??? Perhaps. Tired of handwriting??? A possibility. Strong desire to be on top of this new age of technology??? No.

I just...kind of....wanted to. I like writing. It's a great release for me. Simple as that. And, I feel as though I'm able to get more out (express more, if you will) when I write, as opposed to just saying what I'm thinking and feeling.

K, so after the Summer and moving to NYC and after the Fall and starting culinary school and after Christmas and New Year's Resolutions (yes, starting a blog was my one goal for 2011, go figure :) and after January, now into February (February 5th at 10:14pm, to be exact), I can proudly and confidently now say, "I have a blog....AND, I've written in it" :)

...stay tuned for more...the story has just begun