I'm gonna cut right to the chase, God. Been doing some thinking lately, and I've been thinking I should take up a new hobby.....specifically smoking! What d'ya think?!?!
I know I know. It's bad for me. It stinks. It's addictive. Can put a croakin' toad in my throat. And cause cancer.
BUT....
Practically everyone in NYC does it. It's more of a social thing than anything. A majority of people in the restaurant industry smoke. Not to lose weight (I don't think) and not because they'll die if they don't (I don't think, again). Rather, their reasons for poppin a siggy (aka cigarette) are this: a good excuse to take a break from work and get some fresh air (haha! well...outside air, I should say :). Really! Isn't that kinda funny if you think about it?? Hi, my names Ali, and I just started smoking camels because i wanna see 7 minutes of sunshine with my homies....
Oh, paleez! Give me a break!!
Well, actually, I'm a social butterfly, and I kinda want an excuse to take a breather and mingle with random strangers who all have smoking in common. Hmmm....Should I or shouldn't I take up smoking?? Oh, or perhaps I can become addicted to fat Cuban cigars. Nah, hate the smell. Or, what about pipes?? Gotta love a vanilla scented pipe-a-roo!!
What it boils down to is this: I want an excuse to take a break that employers won't give me crap about. But, not super crazy about the stickin' a smokey thing in my mouth. Wait! I have an idea! How about I use my small, weak bladder issue as an excuse?!! Genius! I should start drinking even more water than I do! My poor bladder is like that of an 80yr-old's!! Actually, that's more anti-social than anything...unless I were a guy. Or, I could buy myself an inhaler and pretend I have asthma. Hey boss, gotta go take a puff with my fellow employees as they surround me with their cigarettes! Um...not thinkin' that'll fly so well, especially if those with breathing problems are advised to keep their distance from smokers. Oh, I could acquire a bad case of temperamental Spanish turrets. Havin' a no bueno chinga episode!! Need fresh air!! Now not so sure...especially with a majority of fellow employees being Hispanic. (Sigh)...What to do what to do???
I guess I'm left with no other creative excuse than to smoke....But, don't worry any of you anti-smokers you!! I'll be sure and whip out my bubble siggies from now on...the ones that taste like bubble gum :)
Happy 4/20 (aka my birthday, not the national smoke pot day part)!!! :)
xoxo
P.S. The photo up top is from my college days....or day rather. A friend of mine and I bought her a vanilla flavored baby cigar the day she turned 18. We went through an entire box of matches...had absolutely NO idea how to light the thing. I advised her to take a puff, find out if the thing just so happened to light. What d'ya know! It had! She inhaled the smoke (into her lungs) and coughed up a storm. . . Now, those are the memories!! Hahaha!
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